“Hello and thank you for this.
I wish you a happy 2015. I am Cancer/Scorpio/Leo.
As Saturn has just left Scorpio, I am reading on astrologer sites that we are to ask ourselves if we learned Saturn’s lessons. It was so harsh all I can think is: HOW DO I KNOW?
My husband died of suicide on June 8, 2008. In July 2010, I broke my left leg and went through surgery and rehab until December 2010. August 2011, my aunt died and my boy dog had leg surgery that same week. In October 2012, I was diagnosed with stage two ovarian cancer, followed by removal of the tumor, a hysterectomy and six rounds of chemotherapy, which was brutal. It nearly killed me. And I went in healthy. I had never had operations nor been ill when my husband was alive. The chemotherapy ended April 2013. I no longer see the cancer doctors as they were cruel and brutal. My regular doctor does a blood test for me. I know the cancer (if it was cancer, as I am a journalist and now very skeptical because chemotherapy is a big money maker in this country) was taken out with the tumor in the operation.
I am on my own. I have no family help and people I thought were friends have scattered since my husband’s suicide. In August 2014, my boy dog had a 4 pound tumor on his spleen and his spleen removed. Thank God it was not cancer. The only reason I am still on earth is because I have my two dogs, Max and Muggle. I also had a career as a children’s book writer and travel journalist before my husband died. I have a degree in Journalism and was a newspaper reporter for 14 years. So, I do have a gold nugget with my career if I can reclaim it. Today is my husband’s birthday, December 27. His name is Rich. I don’t want to be bitter, as I have my health back and my house and dogs and nice neighbors and a little blue VW Beetle and social security to live on and other blessings….but I have been in hell for six years, since Rich died.
When will this hell end?
How do I know whether I passed Saturn’s test?
Is is simply because I survived? Because I did not give up and kill myself. Or is there more to it. Am I supposed to be grateful for what I went through? Should I make a list of everything I learned and the knowledge I now have. It seems like an awful harsh lesson I endured.
I am still alive. I have not tried to exit Earth and I have nurtured my two dogs, taken care of myself and kept my house. How do I know, except for the fact that I am still alive and we do not live in a homeless shelter, that I passed the Saturn test?
I am not able to resume my career yet. I am deeply depressed (and on much needed medication but with support by a wonderful psychiatrist, a grief therapist and a reiki practioner).
I know that Saturn is now in Sagittarius in my second house.
When my husband died, I was so ill with Post Traumatic Stress that I gave away and lost with bad decisions the million dollar life insurance policy I inherited.
Will Saturn in my second house help me to become financially solvent again? I desperately want to leave Tampa, Florida and move to England or New York City. But I have a house filled with clutter and I feel trapped here. What am I missed with this Saturn Life Class I just went through. I feel like I did not do what Saturn wanted. I feel hopeless, not hopeful.
So, once again, my quesion is: how do I know whether I passed Saturn’s test?
I got through chemotherapy, losing my hair and going to appointments by myself and feeling so sick I was in hell. But I finished every session and I did it on my own (with encouragement from neighbors and a few friends, but basically on my own like I was in a war).
Does that mean I passed?
Do you have any suggestions how I will know if I passed?
Are there questions we should ask ourselves to get the answer to this?
I am sorry, but I am still in shell shock from the suicide of my husband, the broken leg, the loss of the inheritance, my boy dog’s health problems, the loss of my writing career and the death of my aunt, who was a source of support.
And most harshly, the chemotherapy and cancer diagnosis I went through.
My father and my sister are alcoholics who have done nothing to hurt me. Other relatives are cold and uncaring.
I feel like I am in hell.
This makes me worry that I did not pass Saturn’s test.
The only answer my heart gives me is that I fought. I endured the fire and pain and torture of chemotherapy (when it may not have been necessary to undergo as I was Stage 2…and the doctors were horrid during the experience), but I did it to live so I would not die and leave my two dogs abandoned like I was.
I am sorry this is so negative. I do not think Saturn has left me yet.
I want to live a good and happy life.
Whatever you can tell me will be greatly appreciated.
You are a good writer. Thank you for your work.
in Tampa, Florida, USA”
it breaks my heart to know you’ve been through all of this, and I’ll try to provide as much clarity as I can. It’s an interesting question you’re formulating right there. How to know if you have passed Saturn’s test? I think the first step to answer this question is finding out what were these Saturn transits all about, for you, and the answer might not be so obvious.
On June 8th, 2008, Saturn was at 2 degrees and 47 minutes of Virgo, and, for you, this means no harsh aspects from Saturn (no squares, no oppositions, and not even conjunctions, as the mutable signs are unattended in your Chart). However, Pluto was exactly on your natal Mars, which speaks clearly. At that moment, however, your husband Rich was probably the one person having the heavy-duty Saturn transit – even though I cannot know this for sure, because I don’t have his birth info; he was probably being presented with his own test. Mind you, I’m not trying to say he has failed or succeeded – none of us can say this. I’m sure he did the best he could. You, on the other hand, were being transformed through a radical loss – while Saturn is, typically, a force that restrains, Pluto innovates through destruction.
I think the actual Saturn test, for you, came when Saturn entered Scorpio in October, 2012, which is also when you were starting to experience the most dramatic issues with health. Saturn in Scorpio had such a personal impact on you, because it actually marked your second Saturn Return. Your first Saturn Return occurred in December, 1982. For one, if you take a quiet moment, and think about the experiences you were facing back then, you’ll realize commonalities as well as an obviously increased amount of issues to tackle. There are various hypothesis to make about this: perhaps you left something “unfinished”, back then, and you had to deal with Saturn in Scorpio issues in a more incisive way. Again, I don’t know what Life circumstances you were dealing with at that time, but I can give you something to think of.
Looking at the natal placement of Saturn in your Chart, I see it’s in your 12th House of withdrawal and transcendence; a lifelong theme for you is surely enduring isolation and solitude while gaining control of the personal demons in your Life. And you did it, remember?
You mentioned being confronted with traumatic experiences, and yet soldiering through (natal Saturn sextile natal Mars) and taking care of yourself with little to no support except for your own perseverance (Saturn trine Jupiter). And to me, this is a pretty undeniable evidence that you have tried to cope with these struggles in the best way suggested by your Saturn placement. You have endured anything a human could possibly endure, and you did it on your own. I think feeling “like hell” doesn’t mean you “failed”… it means you were in hell.
Saturn will dip back into Scorpio later this month and we’ll have one last chance to write the epilogue to whatever experience we’ve been plagued with during 2012-2014. I encourage you to forgive yourself and acknowledge that you’ve done the very best you could do, as well. And allow yourself to start looking at the future (Sagittarius). You deserve it.
My heart goes out to you, much Love and a hug.