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Astroadvice – Venus Square Saturn: Are my Relationships Always Doomed to Fail?

christer karlstad her beasts
“Her Beasts”, by Christer Karlstad –

Venus square Saturn: is this the reason my romantic relationships turn out so badly that I don’t even bother anymore?”

Dear Mo,
not going to lie, Venus/Saturn is among the textbook aspects for a challenging love life. But we could say the same about Venus/Neptune, or Venus in tense aspect to Mars. So, for one, feeling doomed, or feeling sorry for yourself, is not going to help. As a matter of fact, the self-loathing, self-pity, lack of self-worth and mistrust of love and people that are commonly associated with Venus/Saturn might as well be the hardest obstacles standing in your way. I understand how, after a history of struggle in love and relationships, you have internalized the notion that a healthy, fulfilling relationship is simply not going to happen, but this is not true. But still, giving up now is only going to turn this mindset into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Venus/Saturn people are commonly described as “late bloomers” as they often reap the rewards of their efforts later in life. Efforts to be mindful of their own patterns, efforts to learn how to let go and trust, efforts to get to the bottom of their inner sense of deprivation – factors that can sabotage a relationship as much as non-Saturn problems – think Neptunian idealization, for instance. However, Saturn is much clearer and less confusing, in which he is the issue and the solution simultaneously. You feel deprived and unlovable, so you isolate yourself, reject potential partners as a preemptive strike, or wind up with rigid, controlling partners or become attracted towards powerful, unavailable men… and so, the field of relationship becomes an “acting out” for your inner fears, conflicts and sense of inadequacy. But Saturn is not just all about deprivation and hardship: Saturn also rules discipline and ambition, and with a Venus/Saturn signature, real love is available to you if you’re willing to discipline yourself and work with limitations. First, you need to weed out the conditioning that convinced you that you’re unlovable, and stop projecting it on others. Secondly, I assume that you feel like somehow you have to earn love; instead of letting this belief sabotage you, try a different strategy and roll up your sleeves so that you can actually earn love, not other people’s love, but yours. Leave relationship matters aside for a while and focus on your ambitions, your dreams, anything that can bring you confidence and sense of personal success. Test yourself and let yourself be surprised by the things you can achieve. Earn that self-love if you must, and then never settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate your endurance, stamina and power as much as you do. Because this is who you are: with Pluto sitting on your Ascendant and your Sun conjunct Mars, you have this incredible power at your own disposal, power to transform yourself and others. No more unavailable, rigid or controlling partners: you’re perfectly capable of running your own show and laying the foundations (Saturn) of a real, long-lasting, no-nonsense relationship. Redefine your standards and if you have to be choosy and push people away, do it for the right reason: if they don’t respect you, if they can’t show you integrity or honour your true nature. But don’t give up now, because you’re one step away from success. Much Love.

Comments (4)

  • This must be sooo hard to deal with. But I think self love is exactly what is needed, and working for and at oneself.

    Our BF and I have this aspect in our composite chart, and oh my god it can be so frustrating sometimes that I want to rip my hair out of my head. Everything related to Venus is always delayed. It took us 6 months to find a bloody sofa in IKEA after moving in together, and other home decorations projects has been postponed so often I have felt like screaming sometimes. (For a person with strong Uranian influence in the horoscope this is even worse.).

    But when we finally *do* find a compromise, after building a solid foundation of agreement and working on a solution, the rewards are so much bigger and better than if we had just gone out and bought the first sofa we saw.
    But still – we have to work so hard for so many things other couples just take for granted. That is just the way Saturn works. You have to work your butt off for love. Still, when you do succeed – it’s binding, concrete and solid. You won’t loose this again because of all the work you’ve put in it 😉

    The way we interact with each other have been up for review the past two years with Saturn transitting our composite 7th house. Phew. Now he’s going into our composite 8th which coincide with Pluto transitting my own Dark Moon Lilith in the 12th. Interesting times for sure… :p

  • What if you have done the work ( all of what you suggest in your post I have worked on for 2/3 years) and still nothing?

    I wish Saturn Venus to no one, not even my worst enemy. Only those who have it truly knows what it feels like. Other just assume.

    That’s what I am struggling with now – I attract emotionally very few people and none turned into a real bond. In fact there is always an issue that the timing.
    The few that share my values don’t want to progress the relationship for they are grieving over someone else and they other are only physically interested…

    I feel like I am on a bench all the time. Waiting for love and when I make the first moves I get rejected sometimes very harshly.

    I am now 27 and terrified it’s going to be like that all my life.

    Around me I see people get multiple chances in love, cheat, be abusive to their partner yet still get another chance.

    I d love to even just get 1 valuable chance as I know I d honour it.

    I am Gemini with libra rising, Saturn in Capricorn opposite Venus in Cancer.

    Let’s see maybe one day I ll be lucky.

    • Wishing you well. If there HAS been a success story, do let me know as it will give me hope!

  • @LFS
    I’m a bit late to the show here but LFS I can’t tell you how much I relate to your post. I’m a fellow natal Venus-Square-Saturn.
    I hope that perhaps between 2016 and now you have had some successes.
    I’m 30 myself and have never exeprienced a love-bond. I have tried and have remained open minded.
    I have noticed I have easy success in other areas such as business, finance, property etc. Sometimes I feel ungrateful about being down. But it would just be so nice to have someone close to share these successes with. I feel lonely a lot. I do try online dating and I do have initial succes but nothing amounts to anything. It’s a string of false starts. I’ve tried getting lost in these initial flutters, and I’ve tried being more reserved.
    I really am unsure what my future will hold. Suppose I just have to ride it out and see! I do still hope for that Love connection. But for now, I am hurting a bit after over 5 years of trying my best ad so I am thinking to find some sort of other meaning to life that perhaps doesn’t focus on other people so much? Maybe something creative, I don’t know. At least it may distract me.
    Time will tell.
    I am thinking of you and all other Venus sq Saturns out there!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️


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